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• Learning to love applies to both the married and unmarried.

• Unrealistic expectations: Some people think marriage will make them happy.
• The myth of greener grass: Many are on the slippery slope of "What if…?"
• Illustration: Lutzer tells a joke about a visit to a mental institution where two different people are beating their heads against the padded walls—one in misery because he didn't win Linda's love, the other in misery because he did
• A misunderstanding of the role of conflict: Incompatibility is precisely how we grow.
• A failure to distinguish between human love and divine love.
• Jesus gives three statements on love from the Sermon on the Mount.

• Human love depends on the person who is loved. We tend to love people who are beautiful and/or have great personality.
• Illustration: A woman badly burned says her husband saw her in the hospital and said, "You're not the woman I married," and left to marry someone younger and more beautiful. Human love says, "If you change, my love for you changes."
• It's important to marry the right person, but more important to be the right person.

• Divine love is based on the lover, so it can love even enemies.
• Illustration: A couple asks a pastor to approve their divorce, because there's no feeling left. The pastor tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved. He says, "I can't do that." The pastor says to love her as he'd love himself. He says he can't. The pastor says, "The Bible says love your enemies. Begin there."
• Illustration: A wife tells a lawyer she wants a divorce, and wants to hurt her husband in the process. The lawyer suggests being kind and speaking well of her husband for three months, then drop the bomb, because that'll hurt even more. She follows the lawyer's advice…and the marriage is saved.
• How should we pray for our enemies? By asking God to bless them.
• Husbands need to communicate; spouses need to feel like they mean something.
• Divine love: "I may not need this, but you do, and I put your needs above mine."

• When people are hard to love, it's an opportunity for us to grow in Christ.
• Though not stated explicitly, forgiveness is implied in this text.
• Illustration: A woman whose stepfather molested her as a child now finds it hard to be intimate with her husband. Not until she forgives her stepfather does she find physical intimacy in her marriage.

• The Holy Spirit is a supernatural resource for loving the unlovable.